Perfection by Julie Metz

Author:Julie Metz
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Hyperion
Published: 2009-04-09T04:00:00+00:00

This was followed by a longer rant about Cathy, which confirmed my suspicion that their relationship was very much in play throughout the fall until his unexpected death. He recounted the scene at his final New Year’s Eve party.

As for Cathy, let me describe some ugliness.

I suppose it was my own stupidity that caused me not to delete those emails (yes, stupid). But for her to generate all that hate after seven months is just too much.

At first I thought it was going to be okay. I gave her a lot of space at my party. At one point she grabbed me by the arm to ask me to get some more champagne for one of her friends. But basically she spent the whole time clinging to her husband, or talking to two of her friends who go to the same church as her. Other than that, she spoke to no one.

She drank heavily and toward the end she spilled wine on these two above-mentioned friends. I handed her a stack of napkins and mildly joked by asking her if she needed a permanent supply, to which she hissed, “No.” At that point, I knew that things weren’t going to go well. Then, as she was getting ready to go, she looked really tired and drained. I asked her very gently if something was wrong, and she said, “With whom?” Then she said I should “check my paperwork” to understand what was wrong. I think that was a reference to the emails she had discovered. I then asked her if she would like to get together and talk about it, to which she sneered and said, “Nah.” She comes over to say goodbye, again in a really hostile way, and when I get up to see her and her family to the door she shoves it closed in my face.

Part of me so desperately wants to call her up and set things right…but I know it is hopeless and I’m just going to have to live with the situation. What I have to learn, and what I did learn by listening to you is that there is no way I can apply “reason” to this situation. The fallacy, the projection that I had been operating under for the time I was seeing her (all the way until a lightbulb went off in my head five mornings ago) was that she was like me…that she has a psychology that resembles mine. But this is not true. The reality is that she is emotionally unstable. The reality is she is certainly too small emotionally. She is one of the most rigid, fearful, and narrow-minded people I have ever met.

And the larger reality? Any energy I am directing at these two women is really some sort of pathology on my part. I need to keep that energy inside of me and conserve it for my wife and for my new husband/boyfriend—you. So, instead of obsessing about these things today, I was able to convert this negative energy to thoughts about a positive path for myself.

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